Paradox

Two months ago, a tiny new life entered this world. Although unknown at the time, five weeks later our family was introduced to this beautiful miracle and precious bundle of joy. She has already captivated our hearts and created her place within our lives.

Part of me tries to remain cautiously optimistic with a side order of realism. What I mean is that while I remain cautiously optimistic and hopeful to receive a court date before closure, my analytical left brain keeps barking orders to "keep it real...hope for the best but keep your grip on reality." The neurons rapid fire additional remarks, "even if you don't receive a court date before closure, Baby M will most likely be around 6 or 7 months old when she comes home...heck, that's a great age, sleeping through the night, not eating every 2 to 3 hours, starting to have more growth and development, personality...all that jazz."

But like any normal human, I long to see her, to feel her in my arms, to hear her coos, her cries, her laughter, to see her beautiful face in person, to have my family unit complete, to see C being a great big brother to his baby sister, to see my husband being oh so gentle and tender with his daughter. Tis truly a paradox, having these separate thoughts occur simultaneously in the thought speak of my mind.

My poor corpus callosum is working mandatory overtime (okay, these are the ramblings you get when a nursing instructor who teaches about neurological disorders can't sleep). But on the bright side, at least the brain chatter has dulled to a low roar now that the words are being typed on the screen.

My husband has had four years of marriage and an additional two years of dating/engagement to get used to my unannounced segues. So, I end with this thought. In life, there are things within our control and others that are beyond our control. Life flows more smoothly when we are able to identify the differences between these two opposing poles. So, knowing that the court date is within the spectrum of the latter, I leave this blog entry in a quasi-state of peace. Although I cannot control when we receive the court date, I can control my response to the wait. I choose peace - peace in the knowledge that that our day will come and that our daughter will be united with her family in the near future.

Shalom.