Mena on Parenting

Out of the blue, as is her usual practice when offering her gems of wisdom, came this one tonight:  "Dads are awesome!"  E:  "Really?  How are they awesome?"  M:  "Well, Moms give lots of instructions and everybody listens to them.  Dads give instructions but nobody listens to them."  [I had noticed that and suspected others had as well...]  E:  "Well that doesn't sound so awesome!"  M:  "Dads are really good at driving, but they drive a different way than Moms.  [Yeah, presumably the wrong way...]  But do ya know what Dads are really awesome at?  Dads are taller than Moms.  They can reach things that are really high."  [That's the big closer?!  Given my ability to reach things that are really high, we should have declared victory at driving differently!]

In other news, E's interest in potty training has picked up in the past week.  She picked out a little potty for herself that sings when you pee in it and lights up, makes a flushing sound, and has another song when you "flush" it.  E sings along.  Now maybe if we got spoons and forks that sang, she would eat more...

C was probably happy to go back to school after Christmas break, as he was "bored" at home.  All his hours on Wii, the ipad, and the computer apparently were insufficient to keep him entertained.  In fairness, one of his Xmas presents never arrived, and two others don't work.  One of M's doesn't work either.  But on the bright side, we can leave phone and email messages for the companies since no one hires people to talk to customers--or apparently make products that work--anymore either.

Carmen

C had a busy week last week, practicing and then performing in the premier of a ballet version of Carmen by the NC Dance Theater, Charlotte's professional ballet company.  He had been chosen by the director to dance one of the mill worker kids parts.  He had rehearsals every night last week, which made him tired and cranky, but on stage, he was all smiles and full of energy.  So he has the ability to turn on the adrenaline or he's a really good actor.  He did not seem nervous whatsoever about being on stage...but did get annoyed when middle aged women would fuss over how cute he was.  He and the other kids did a great job with their parts--as did everyone.  It was a first rate performance.  And Bizet's score was pretty good too!  The ballet was 50 minutes--it's remarkable how short you can make an opera when you cut out all the singing...

M has been doing well in gymnastics and now looks forward to going every Monday.  In fact, she'll excitedly ask if it's Monday yet so she can go to gymnastics.  She still doesn't follow instructions very well while she's there, but none of the other kids do either.  It's interpretive (or I'll do my unique version of it) gymnastics.  Last week, her behavior was especially good all week without C around and I've noticed it continuing this week.  When she's playing by herself, she's fine too, but as soon as C comes into the vicinity to "observe," they start mixing it up.  She's doing much better in preschool the past week or so too.  She had been unhappy because the class only had 2 other girls and both of them were also divas.  She is now good friends with one of the other girls so is back to enjoying herself.

E has started to potty train in exchange for Princess Sophie undies that T promised her.  She still won't go to the potty any more consistently for me, so we'll see how it works.  She may be shifting out of naps too.  She naps inconsistently at preschool but sleeps consistently on the drive home.  She misses going to the pool.  She'll often ask if we can go to the pool when we drive past it and clearly does not understand that it is a long wait until May.  Given that she often didn't want to get in the cold water in the summer, getting in the water in Oct probably wouldn't be too enjoyable.

The Art of Campaigning

C has won his first election!  He has been elected Vice President of 4-H of the afterschool program at Carl Furr Elementary.  I asked him how he won:

C:  "I got 14 votes.  The other person got 36."
E:  "That made him president?"
C: "Yup." 
E:  "How did they know who to vote for?" 
C:  "We couldn't use our faces." 
E:  "So they didn't know what you looked like?  Didn't some of them know who you were?" 
C:  "Yea, the people who knew me voted for me." 
E:  "What about everybody else?  How did they vote if they didn't know either of you?" 
C:  "They just picked somebody."  [Dr. H observes:  Much like every other election.  God Bless America!] 
E:  "Did you campaign?  What did you tell people to ask them to vote for you?" 
C:  "Put the vote in the back.  I'm more sweaty!" 

[Dr. H:  After several attempts at clarification, I still have no idea what that means or why in the world anyone would vote for someone with that campaign slogan.  If there is a political science explanation, I suppose it is:  1)  C came in second; 2) campaign slogans don't matter in 3rd grade either.]

Pretty in Pink (and blue)

Little Miss E had quite a day.  She started by locking M and me (E) out of house.  Communicating thru the front door wasn't working so we moved to the back door which is all glass.  There, Lil E was better able to see which lock I was telling her to turn and how to turn it to get it to unlock.  She had locked herself inside a bedroom at Shawnee but clearly had not learned her lesson about playing with locks.

Then she didn't come downstairs for dinner. She had been in the playroom watching Peter Pan.  When I went upstairs to bring her down, she was in M's room, stark naked, painting herself in pink and blue nail polish.  Fortunately, she hadn't totally immersed herself in it, but had managed to paint areas of her legs, tummy, back, hands, feet (including the bottom of both feet), and face.  Her fingers and toes were entirely covered.  Her nails were covered so thickly, it bothered her later in the evening as she was scraping it off.  She used nail polish as mascara so her eye lids were covered.  She had painted the dolls from M's dollhouse with her best Joker face paint (think Jack Nicholson's artistry from the Tim Burton Batman).  And she did some swirls on M's dresser--each and every drawer of M's dresser.  Fortunately, I only saw one small splotch on the carpet. So E went straight to the bath while I found nail polish remover.  I got about 95% off and she cooperated quite well given all the rubbing she was subjected to.  Tomorrow there will be more work to do on the dolls and the dresser. 

When taking E to the potty tonight, she looked up at T's bottles in the medicine cabinet and says, "Can I have more polish?"  Gotta admit, that's funny...

Mt. Mitchell

C and I traveled to the highest point in the East this weekend on a Scout trip to Mt. Mitchell.  We went to the campsite at the base of the mtn on Sat morning, thereby avoiding 3 inches of rain that fell there on Friday night.  The two families who arrived Friday moved the picnic tables from the pavilion and set up their tents there to stay dry.  It rained Sat too--fortunately just after we hopped in our cars to drive to Mt. Mitchell.  Though we were at the base, and there is a 5.6 mile hiking trail to the peak, it is about a 30 mile car trip:  10 miles away from the mtn to the Blue Ridge Parkway, then a 20 mile arc back to the mtn.  Even when the deluge stopped as we drove, we could see the storm clouds clinging to the top of the mtn.  But by the time we arrived, it had stopped raining there.  We still couldn't see much from the observation deck as the view was mostly obscured by clouds in three directions.  We ate lunch at the top then went on a 1 mile hike to a "waterfall".  The trail was badly eroded and was mostly wet rocks and wet roots, so it was a rather treacherous walk.  The boys did really well and didn't even complain during the steep hike back.  The boys got into a discussion of episodes 7, 8, and 9 of Star Wars which will be filmed by Disney.  (First, it's pretty amazing that the movies that defined the childhoods of the adult leaders are followed as closely a generation later.)  One boy observed that "In all Disney movies, the animals sing.  I don't think I'd like that in Star Wars."  No, as good as Disney musicals are, singing space creatures would certainly doom a Star Wars movie.  We walked to the "falls" and the boys took of their shoes and walked around in the water.  C and three (of the four) others of course fell in the freezing water but didn't seem to mind.  One boy, after climbing out of the water, said "Aww, my peanuts are wet."  He said it quickly so the adults heard another P-word.  Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a bag of trail mix.  The adults immediately broke out in hysterical laughter and the boys just looked bewildered at us.  Upon reaching the top of the mountain, and the end of the hike, the rain began again.  Our timing was perfect yet again.  Once we were back at camp, by which time the rain had stopped, the boys played with each other and kept occupied nicely.  In the evening, they went to look for a fishing spot in the creek.  The weather had cleared and we could see blue sky above but it was still misty along the creek.  C enjoyed trying to skip stones in the creek--with all the rain this summer, there was plenty of rushing water.  I had the task of finding round, flat rocks for C and a friend.  He had a good sleep last night and was raring to go at 7 am regardless of my warning that it was warmer in the sleeping bag (no sleeping in for dad!).  He slept on the drive home!

E's news is that we reconfigured her bed to a toddler bed.  She started climbing out of her crib this week, so the time had come.  Now we have lost the incentive that we would move her to a toddler bed if she went to sleep, etc.  Oh well.  She's now a big girl.  Up next--a potty trained big girl!  The humorous note for E is that she's picked up an Alison Janney line from "Hairspray" (originally from Mommy Dearest) and calls C, M or a doll "Devil Child, Devil Child" and shakes her finger at them when they violate her preferences.

M has finally agreed to try gymnastics so T will take her to her first class tomorrow.  Given her flexibility and strength, she should be really good at it.  Here's hoping she has the patience and discipline it keep at it.

Undercurrents and Rip Tides

Adoption begins with a loss...

It doesn't matter how an adoptive family is created. The story begins with a loss. In preparation for the adoption, we learn our child's sense of grief and loss can ebb and flow. This ebb and flow reminds me of an ocean's undercurrent. It's always present, sometimes gently moving the grains of sand gently to and fro. Other times, the grief and loss can become a voracious rip tide or tsunami wave.

Tonight, C experienced his first rip current...

Earlier in the evening, the family (including Oma and Opa) were playing croquet. All seemed well. C was enjoying himself. Toward the end of the second game, C became upset with a play that he thought had not occurred. Being C (and drawing close to bedtime), he made choices that indicated an increasing level of frustration. As E and I worked to help him get ready for bed (and to de-escalate), he began hyperventilating.

With him being placed on my lap, I began trying to help him slow his breathing and calm down. As his breathing slowed, the sobs began increasing. So, I asked what he was thinking about. "Dinah," he replied.

Dinah was one of our two cats we had been placed with last September (after the death of our 16 yr old cat Bella). Recently, my asthma exacerbated, so my allergist suggested I undergo allergy testing. Among my multiple allergies, I discovered I was allergic to cats. Therefore, we had to relinquish the cats. This, as you can imagine, was tough for C. However, Mommy needs to breathe, since my lungs are only functioning at 70% of their capacity.

Back to tonight...

As we sat together, C worked through his sobs and asked if Dinah and Felicia were going to another family. I looked at him and said, "Since they can't be with us, I hope they can be placed with another family who will love them just as much as we do." With tears in his eyes, he asked if that's what happened to him.

(Insert Mommy inhale and exhale)

Since we know some information about C's birth mother, I answered as honestly as I could. I told him that, yes, his birth mommy was unable to care for him. Yes, she wanted him to be with a family who would care for him and give him the love he deserved.

After a few more words, I continued sitting by his side. I held his hand as he sobbed, slowed to a cry, and began slowly falling asleep. Before he fell asleep, I laid my head on his and whispered, "You're my favorite C in the whole world and I'll never stop loving you. I love you forever and ever and always."

My heart is heavy. I will never truly and fully replace the love my children would experience had life circumstances given them the opportunity to remain with their birth parent(s). Since this journey we call life gave us the opportunity to be united as a family, I will do my best to love my children fully and unconditionally, giving them the love they need, in the way that love is needed. I will be there for their laughter and happiness, when their faces beam more brightly than the sun. I will be there for their undercurrent moments. And, most importantly, I will be there when the rip tide or tsunami wave threatens to pull them under.

Cats in exile

T had allergy tests last week and modern medical technology has determined that she is allergic to planet Earth.  Despite Krypton's willingness to let earthlings adopt their young, they refuse reciprocity (or maybe their planet blew up...) so T is stuck on Mother Earth.  And due to the meddling of morally superior, Latte sipping, Birkenstock wearing, granola eating environmentalists, we can't cut down all the trees and burn the grass.  So we are stuck changing our diets to avoid anything made with wheat, soy, milk, nuts, or eggs.  Brown rice is ok but white rice isn't (this is when I start to suspect they make up this stuff).  And Felicia and Dinah are exiled--nay, banished!--because of their refusal to keep their dander AND saliva to themselves. For the record, I can't recall any slobbering cat episodes but they do shed hair and presumably dander prolifically as the cylinder of our vacuum consistently demonstrates. 

C took the news well all things considered.  (Of course, when T gave him the choice of cats or mommy, it does put the boy in an awkward position.  Fortunately he had the savvy to choose mommy to stay.)  He loved having Dinah lay with him as he went to sleep.  M will miss roughly picking them up and carrying them around or flopping on top of them as they slept peacefully in the sun.  E will miss poking them and bellowing "No Kitty" before chasing them around the house--"For no reason" as C would say.

Everyone came along this evening to return the cats to the adoption center where we got them.  They were rather aggravated about being penned in the carrying cases and moved to the new environment and were hissing and bellowing when moved into their room.  We opened their cases but they stayed in them until after we left.  The kids had a grand time playing with all the other cats and moving from room to room to see the cats. 

When we got home, C drew a picture of Dinah to keep to remember her. 

Don't want to grow up

Last week was very exciting for C.  So exciting, in fact, that he went outside to wait for the bus early several days--standing in the driveway to make sure he would see it if it came early.  One day, it was the school's field day.  Another was the class pizza party.  And finally, Friday was the last of 2nd grade.  He really liked his teacher and his class this year.  He made a card for his teacher and bought her some books and a large cache of supplies for next year.  For the summer, he has a math and social studies work books to work on and should continue to read 20 minutes a day to get ready for the big exams in 3rd grade.  C checked out a big pile of books at the library on Monday and is reading them w/o being forced to do so.

On Saturday and Sunday, he had his dance performance.  He had told us his group had the "worst" music:  it was "French."  When we arrived on Saturday and got the program, we saw the boys would dance a polka.  Hmm... not so French.  The boys were dressed in sailor's hats and scarves.  The music was upbeat and the boys did an energetic dance.  They got the loudest cheers and most applause of any of the performances. 

Last night, C confided that he didn't want to grow up:  "My wife will ask me what I'm doing on the computer and tell me to stop playing with Legos."  Yup, that's a pretty good prediction. 

M and Lil E had good years in preschool.  Their year ended two weeks ago. M was a great helper to the teachers and helped two new girls fit into the class. Lil E still asks in the mornings, "Go to preschool?"  No more preschool.  "Go to church?"  No, it's not Sunday.  "Saturday?"  Good process of deduction but now every day is Saturday...

The kids like going to the pool.  C always finds someone he knows to play with.  He enjoys diving for objects on the bottom of the pool and squirt guns (of course).  M gets a noodle and swims around the kid's end, making friends with kids and adults alike, mostly (I think) so she can borrow their toys and floatation devices.  Lil E prefers to stay out of the water (she must have some Oma in her).  She'll sit up on one of the chase lounges and pull a towel over her legs.  She also likes to inspect the toys others have brought to the pool and to get into the snacks in our bag.

Lucy

A few days ago, I arrived at preschool to pick up the girls.  Miss Lucy met me at the door and told me that Lil E had listening problems that day.  When told not to do something, she'd give the big smile and then do it. And then would hit when someone would try to stop her.  When I got to the playground, Lil E was being held by Miss April.  I took Lil E and told her what Miss Lucy had reported.  Lil E scowled, looked at April, and said (disgustedly):  "Lucy."  She knew exactly who busted her. 

A few days before that, C and M were jawing about something in the car.  C claimed M "was a big baby.  You should crawl back in Mommy's tummy."  M retorted, "I can't craw back in Mommy's tummy, I grew in another woman's tummy."  Take that, Colin!  Who knew adoption would come in so handy.  M has been asking lots of questions about adoption.  Interestingly, she asks them to Tracy not to me.  C needed some photos of himself as a baby for school so T went thru photos of Vietnam and Ethiopia with C and M.  It was the first time that M had seemed interested in her baby pictures.  T and I got a kick out of watching videos of M as a baby.  Expressions and noises she was making at the time we had interpreted to be just random baby noises.  As she still makes those facial expressions and similar noises, we were laughing as we recognized that she was sassing us as an infant--we just didn't yet recognize it!  T has instituted a rule that M can ask questions for two minutes when she goes to bed.  Otherwise, she just keeps talking to whoever is sitting with her.  M has taken this as a challenge to get in the most difficult questions she can think of in two minutes.  Lil E has recently switched from "Me-Me" to Mena.  Ya gotta admit, that the more mature name isn't as cute. 

C is still "Ba-Ba" for a little while longer.  He's been making progress in school this year, doing very well in math and making progress in reading and writing.  He made a poster on the Wright Brothers and presented it to his class.  He got to dress up as a Wright Brother.  It was good to see him excited about doing the presentation, and, his calling out as he approached the car the day of the presentation, "It went excellent!"

Last Sunday, T and C went to see the Charlotte ballet's Peter Pan.  They had roles for child dancers as baby pirates and baby crocodiles.  C got a big kick of that.  C came home to show M and Lil E some of the moves.  In the week since, we've been assigned parts as pirates or crocodiles.  Arrh!

A Twofer for the Tooth Fairy

Typically, the loss of a tooth--particularly the first one--comes with weeks of wiggling and giggling.  There is much planning about how to evict the tooth:  the string and doorknob, one big tug, the twist and tug, the secret methods that grandpas use that are entirely painless.  Often the tooth practically removes itself as its owner contemplates the method of removing it--while attempting to avoid the pain of actually removing it.  Or, the other common alternative is to lose the first tooth by accidently smashing your face into a door, a bike, a sibling's fist, etc.  Yet again, we do things differently.

We'd been waiting for some time for C to get a loose tooth.  Last week he went to the dentist, who discovered that C's front bottom teeth were coming in behind his baby teeth.  One of them was through the gum, the other was "bulging."  Since the new teeth were not pressing on the baby teeth, the roots of the baby teeth had not dissolved, so the dentist would have to extract the baby teeth.  And then hope that the adult teeth would move forward into the vacated space.  Today was the day.  C was brave and did very well.  Last night, he was worried about it and didn't eat much for dinner.  He'll be on a liquid diet for a few days.  Since his teeth have the full root, I'm told it will cost extra for the tooth fairy to haul them off.  Apparently, unlike most Southern tooth fairies, ours is unionized and has a wage scale based on the size of the job.

We had an odd, extended discussion this evening of whether there are male and female tooth fairies, and why Tinker Belle is different than the tooth fairy.  I think T started it with her insistence that we name our Tooth Fairy.  "Pearl" it is.  I preferred M's "Sparkelina."

M has been doing very well at preschool.  She is very proud of the fact that she has been earning special jobs helping the class because of her good behavior.  Ellie's new favorite song is "Happy Birthday."  She likes to sing it often and will include the name of each person in the family and sometimes will sing Happy Birthday to "cat."  When you ask her, "Is it my birthday today?", she'll smile, shake her head, and reply "no."  And then sing it again anyway.  Her variation today was to sing Happy Birthday to "nobody."

Happy Birthday to C's new teeth!