On the Quest for a Milkshake

C and I had tickets for the Nutcracker on Sunday afternoon.  We stopped to get lunch at McD's drive thru.  C instructed me to order an 8 peice chicken nuggets and a milkshake.  THE VOICE from THE BOX informed me that the milkshake machine was down. I expected C express displeasure (ahem), but he took it in stride. 

During the opening Act of the Nutcracker, C literally sat on the edge of his seat and uttered "awesome" from time to time.  At one point, he asked when the "Rat King" would appear and I assured him that it would be soon.  After the dual and death of the Mouse King and Clara's arrival in the winter fairy land of many ballerinas, C shifted to the back of his seat.  45 minutes on the edge is quite good.  So when intermission occurred, I expected to hear his excitement about the first Act:

C: "Can we go home?"
E: "No, this is intermission.  There is a second half."
C: "I'm bored.  I want to go home.  I'm hungry and need a snack. I want a milkshake." 
E:  "You ate a good lunch.  They don't have milkshakes here.  But if you go to the bathroom we can see what snacks they have in the lobby." 
(After a few back and forths, C takes off his shoes and socks, puts in his big toe in his mouth.) 
E:  "We're in the theater!  Get your toe out of your mouth!  It's bad enough you do that at home." 
C:  "You won't get me a snack so I'm having one here!"

Egads! 

As the second half begins, C is sitting facing the back of his seat.  As the music and dancing start, he turns to look over his shoulder to see the action.  But eventually, he lays over on the arm rest and falls asleep.  The show, by the way, was fantastic--costumes, scenery, music, dancing, everything. 

Afterwards, as a student in the dance theater, C could get a poster signed by the cast members.  While we waited in line, I coached him on what he could say to the dancers.  The first dancer asked him what he liked best.  Unfortunately, we hadn't discussed an answer to this one, so I had to jump in to say that he liked the Mouse King.  But C was flummoxed so therefore would more or less throw the poster at the dancers and refuse to talk to them.  The next to last dancer was also using the "What part did you like best?" question.  The girl in front of  C in line answered that she liked it all; so, C repeated her response when he faced the query again.

Finished at the theater, our quest for the milkshake resumed.  Given that uptown has few fast food places at all, and fewer places open on weekends, I knew it would be a challenge.  The Panthers game was letting out at the same time and the streets were gridlocked with traffic, so we walked around awhile, but not even burger joints had the lucious elixir.  We were going straight to his Scout meeting, nestled safely in the 'burbs where there are more fast food chains than...well, anything. Fortunately, we were saved by Wendy and her Frosty. 

The next morning, C awoke, ran to our bathroom, saw Mommy and exclaimed "Mommy. I saw the Nutcracker. It was great!  The Mouse King and Nutcracker guy fought each other with swords. Then, they shot a mouse out of a canon. That was really cool!" 

To borrow from another giant of the stage:  All's well that ends well...

Linguistics of Love

Usually E has been the creative talent behind our posts. His brain seems to have a natural gift for taking our lives and spinning a well-crafted, humorous tale.

This semester has been both interesting and challenging, from a parenting perspective. Both E and I are working as full-time faculty at our respective universities. E finds himself blessed with a more flexible schedule. Although flexible, we find ourselves becoming that busy family that arrives home, just in time to prepare dinner, do homework, find a few moments for play, and get the kids ready for bed.

Of course, when three children (and two assertive kittens) all clammor simultaneously for Mommy's attention, someone usually ends up on the short end of the stick. So, the challenge is finding how to better balance the time spent with C, M, and Lil E. It isn't easy. Mommy guilt sets in. Each child would like completely undivided attention. No matter how much one stays with each child, it never seems enough - their emotional tanks are running on fumes and the time spent barely keeps the engine from locking down.

I feel as though my children's "check engine lights" are glowing more brightly than halogen headlights on a dark, country road...

I've been thinking how to more equitably balance the emotional needs of my children. This season, our Sunday School class at church has been discussing The Five Love Languages of Children. Over the past few weeks, I've begun to more clearly see that each of our children have very different primary love languages (...now, I know technically the book says that primarly languages don't fully develop until school-age; however, the girls seem to transmit their languages LOUD and clear).

C's love languages are: quality time (primary) and gifts (secondary)
M's love language is most likely: service
Lil E's love language is most likely:  physical touch

C craves Mommy time. He wants me to play Wii, read books, build Legos (for hours on end, if it were up to him), and sit with him at night.

M wants to be a helper - she wants to do things for me, to have me read her new Children's bible (particularly focusing on the story of Adam and Eve - to be more exact, the Snake...asking why the snake wanted the man and woman to eat the food, why the snake could talk, why it was bad for them to eat the fruit, and more about the snake, the snake, and the snake...), do whatever she can to show that she's a big girl (oh, and watch the iPad, of course), and have me sit with her at night.

Notice any similarities? Both C and M want Mommy to sit with them at night...at the same time. E does what he can. He and I alternate sitting with our children (ex:  Mommy sits with C. Daddy sits with M - then we switch). The challenge comes when I leave one child's room to spend time with the other. Leaving (particularly with M) usually triggers a saddened emotional response (i.e., crying and protesting "Don't go, Mommy. Stay with me!").There have been occasions when I leave M's room and enter C's room, there have been times C looks at me, downtrodden, and says "Go ahead Mommy, go stay with M." - Breaks my heart that, at times like this (no matter the decision I make), one child will always have to lose (so, I try and make the "wins" and "losses" equitable, as much as possible).

I've discovered that I am "fluent" in my primary love languate, Physical Touch. Since Lil E and I "speak" the same language, It's been very easy to connect with her needs. She loves running to me when I arrive home, saying "MOMMY" with jubilance, and embracing me with the warmest hugs a parent could ever hope to receive. She loves having her "milkies" in the morning and at night, just before bedtime. Apparently, two people who speak the same "native language" find it easier to share and receive love.

E's primary love language is quality time - something I know isn't easy for us to achieve as well as we'd like. But, I will say I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I have the most incredible, loving, patient, and understanding husband in the world. He's taken on a greater percentage of parenting duties, responsibilities, and household tasks...being with the children during late afternoons and evenings, when I'm swamped with work-related grading, class prep, etc. (and giving me the opportunity to participate on Wednesday nights with choir practices - a much needed way to enrich my soul and fill my heart with the jubilance of song). I suppose that's why the kids are clammering for so much Mommy time. Their tanks are being filled with enough Daddy Love.

One thing to keep in mind - just because one language is primary, as parents, each of us need to be multilingual - that is to say, we need to engage in activities that fill each part of our children's (and loved ones) emotional tank. These needs (physical touch, words of affirmation, service, gifts, and quality time) - suppose you could call them the 5 cylinders to keep your inner vehicle running - need to be both expressed and received. So, the question remains: how can we, as parents, find the necessary balance to meet our children's needs?

For me, it's time to embark on a new journey - to balance the off-center, centrifugal forces I feel within my parenting heart, mind, and soul. What can I do, as a mom, to be a better parent? To be multilingual?

I don't have answers - at least none that are "easy breezy, lemon peezy" fixes. But, what I can do is find those moments and connections. To keep my eyes and ears open. To make a conscious choice to be more engaged (even if it means I'm up after midnight blogging!)...To work on continued patience.

I love my husband and my children. They are the gravitational center of my world. I can only hope to do what I can to give them the love and support they need, to reach the pinnacle where I can more effectively fill their emotional tanks with "high octane" multilingual love, and keep their engines running at top performance.

Thanks for digressing with me - into a bit of the darker side of parenting. I now hand the keyboard back to my husband for your regularly scheduled Heberlig programming...

The Year Without a Santa Claus?

At the bus stop on Thurs morning, C declared that everyday should be Christmas, Halloween or Easter so that they could have a school holiday.  One of the other boys started spouting ABSOLUTE NONSENSE about an alledged alternative identity of Santa.  C at first seemed to agreed, but then relayed the following tale:  "One night I got up and went to mom and dad's room.  They were sleeping.  I woke up Dad, but he fell back asleep.  I woke up Mom, but she fell back asleep.  So I went downstairs and there was Santa unpacking toys.  He didn't see me."  I was just glad C was there to straighten out that poor, delusional boy!  I have a feeling that this conversation will come up again at some really inopportune moment.  Hopefully, not in the next three months... 

C has received a scholarship for a boy's class at the NC Dance Theatre and is now in his second week.  He enjoyed the dance lessons he took over the summer, but, like with many things, as soon as he's done it a few times, wants to move on to the next thing.  He now wants to take a gymnastics class with M.  One thing at a time--and we'll see how the dance develops.  He's also in a new Cub Scout Pack.  We have a camp out next weekend.  We'll see how that goes.  He's doing well in school, but as the above conversation indicates, is in the 2nd grade mindset of not wanting to go.  They have homework every night and it often is threading the needle to get it done since we get home shortly after 5.  Do homework, then dinner, then bath, then bed.  No wonder he misses play time.

M started to "get" adoption a couple of weeks ago.  She's been asking T and I to recount our geneological histories for months, but lately, will sometimes ask us who our "real" mommy is.  We've also told her that her given name was Mentamir (and that C's was Nhan).  So she'll ask T and I to tell her the other name our mommies gave us.  For now, we can tell her that Ellie's other name is Eleanor.  She's doing really well at preschool.

Ellie is taken with the alphabet song... at least the first two phrases and the ending.  We'll get the rest in eventually.  Lately, she's loved climbing up and down the ladders of the playset.  She likes to go across the monkey bars too, though I obviously have to hold her.  She's started to become more independent and will pout or throw a mini-fit if she doesn't get want she wants.  She especially likes to climb into her car seat on her own and then resists being buckled in.  Similarly, she wants to climb around inside the car when we arrive home and resists being extracted.  She's still not eating much.  T's not feeding her at night, but she still wakes up once or twice, but goes back to sleep quickly after I comfort her for 30 seconds or so. 

Requiem for Bella

Her name meant beautiful and she was in every way.  She always stayed away from the kids but let them pet her today.  She wouldn't have anything to do with me either when T and I started dating.  I didn't really get to see her at all the first month, though occassionally I'd hear her meowing loudly at me--persumably objecting into my intrusion into her domain.  One day, she was behind the entertainment center and scared the bejeebers out of me as she bolted out.  For whatever reason, she strode right up to me one day and let me pet her and from then on, we were best buddies.  T joked that she had become my cat.  Being a dog person as a kid, I thought that was quite an accomplishment.

We knew this day was coming but you always think and hope that it will be a bit further off into the future.  She had increasing problems with spitting up her food over the last year; we'd changed food several times (and feeding routines) and each new one would help for a little while.  Lately, she'd been spitting up many hours after eating and the food would/should have been digested.  Plus, it didn't really look like food; T diagnosed it as bile.  Last night, T heard her giving some painful cries and she spit up twice this morning.  The vet had told us previously that there wouldn't be much more they could do w/o invasive surgery and we didn't want to put her through that, not at 16 years old.  So we knew the choice that was to be made when we took her in today. 

Only C was old enough to understand what was happening.  Lil E, though, made the sign for cat and meowed as T and the kids left the vet.  C had a sad day and got frustrated more easily than normal, but all things considered took it well.  When I returned T's phone message, he answered and told me the news; and when I arrived home, he relayed the news in a kid's overly direct way:  "Bella's dead already."  He usually doesn't add his own prayer at bedtime; tonight he added one for Bella.  Amen.

I'm the entertainer

C had musical camp this week and his troupe performed "The Little Red Hen."  Despite his masterful singing, dancing, and stealing in the role of a fox, he is not the entertainer.  The show was stolen by Lil E, who would loudly cheer "Yay!" at the end of each of the numerous songs.  After the first few times, the audience would laugh after each of Lil E's cheers and the kids on stage would giggle and comment to each other.  Big brother, of course, was on stage egging her on.  Sly fox that he is.  First the hens would sing, inviting the other farm animals to help in a task.  Lil E cheers.  Then the cows would sing that they wouldn't help.  Lil E cheers.  Then the cats would sing that they wouldn't help.  Lil E cheers. Crowd laughs.  Then the pigs would sing that they wouldn't help. Lil E cheers. Crowd laughs.  E & T are laughing so hard they are crying.  M tries to climb over a chair.  Then the foxes would sing that they would steal the hen's food.  Lil E cheers. Crowd laughs.  Then on to the next task and the next round of animal responses...  At the end, T admitted that it was probably her genes triggering the public displays.  I replied that at least Lil E was cheering at the proper time. 

Before the show, a girl next to C provided entertainment by continually trying to kiss him.  C's response was to try to get a camp counselor to intervene to protect C from the mad kissing bandit (ironic twist, since he was dubbed the "Vietnamese Valentino" during our stay in Hanoi).  Note that he didn't leave and get another seat by the boys (with whom he was sitting earlier).  I pointed out the amusing scene to T, who then added fuel to the fire by running over with a camera to record C and his girlfriend (the one to his left).

C has had a summer full of camps.  At Discovery Place, he's attended Dr. Seuss camp, Dinosaur camp, Lego camp, and has done lots of creative projects.  Right after school, he attended Cub Scout camp where he got to go fishing (catching one fish), canoeing, BB gun shooting, archery, etc. 

Thanks to T wanting to learn a second language, Lil E has become intrigued by Baby Signing Time videos over the last few weeks and is learning some signs (as are C and M).  She's also increasing her spoken words, best illustrated a few days ago during breakfast when she instructed me to "Get up!" to get some food for her.  She now calls M "Me-Me".  She loves to try to pet "Beh-Beh" and will chase our 16 year old, geriatric feline around the downstairs. C, alas, is still called "Ma Ma." She also loves to see the rabbit that frequents the backyard.  She'll sit on the potty frequently and often goes.  One of the potty seats has Sesame Street characters--including her favorite, Elmo--so we've figured out that when she says "Elmo" she wants to sit on the potty.  She frequently requests to go outside to blow "Ba-buhs."

Lil E's still not eating much; therefore, T is still nursing to provide her with much needed calories and nutrition. Nursing a toddler is quite a show, in itself - involving twisting acts of contortionism, black belt worthy karate kicks, poses that would make a yogi master proud. T is a "card carrying member" of the FTNC (Freaky Toddler Nursing Club).

M enjoyed swimming so much at Shawnee, she frequently asks to go.  In fact, she has dubbed herself "Water girl."  Another upside of our upcoming move is access to the community pool.  She is very interested in family relationships, checking to make sure that I am Mommy's husband rather than her father.  She constantly asks who my father is, who my mother is, etc., etc (asking T the same questions).  She is doing extremely well with potty training and rarely has accidents in her pullups.  In fact, it has been quite a while since she has wet her diaper at night. She is in "I'll do it myself.  I don't need your help" mode, particularly when it comes to putting on shoes and getting buckled in the car sheet.  Any button or switch on any devise will be pushed, especially light switches (and in the opposite way of your actual need).

Since returning from Shawnee, E or T have been alternating days at home with the girls (while C is off to camp).  Most of the time, the girls play well together. However, there are times when M unlocks her inner WWF warrior princess mode and attempts to use finishing moves that would make Jake the Snake, Hulk Hogan, Rick Flair, the Rock, or Stone Cold proud. Fortunately, our "Nature Girl" can hold her own against her big sister.

Shawnee 2012

Our vacation in pictoral review. I'm sure E will post his travelogue soon! Let's just say a fun time was had by all (and we have the pictures to prove it!).

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Red, White, and Blue Gills

This past week found us receiving a visit from Opa and Oma. Their visit made for a great week, indeed.  (Yes, if we know you're reading our blog, we'll shamelessly pander to you too.)  The kids had lots of fun playing inside and outside, going for walks and to the park, reading, "picnicing" on the floor because we didn't have enough chairs...  

On Saturday, we spent the entire day at the NC Zoo. They had a special exhibit on dinosaurs. They were "robot dinosaurs" that moved a bit and growled. A couple of them "spit" water which (obviously) was hugely entertaining. C also enjoyed a big pit where he could dig for fossils. M and Lil E enjoyed being picked up so they could see the animals. They'd laugh and point and ooh and ahh. We were lucky that many of the big animals were up and moving about when we visited: the giraffes, zebras, elephants, rhinos, a gorilla, the lions. The otters were (ahem) very frisky (well, the male anyway). The kids enjoyed getting ice cream and slushies. And so did the rest of us as it was hot. We also appreciated the shade throughout most of the park.

Sunday was confirmation. Pr. Ward used our family's story to describe how God adopts us all into one family. He had used our adoption story before with the confirmation class but this was the first he had used it for the whole congregation. Despite knowing the story pretty well, hearing it in that venue made T and me weepy. It's a good story and well worth sharing.

On Memorial Day, C FINALLY got to go fishing w Opa.  Earlier, they had practiced casting out in the parking lot.  C was much more patient than I ever was.  He fished for 3.5 hours.  Several other nearby fishers caught multiple fish in the morning so that was a bit challenging to explain why they were catching and he wasn't.  Once one party left, he shifted into their spot (which probably helped).  What helped the most was another boy who befriended C and gave him live worms to use as bait.  The right bait made all the difference, C caught 3 blue gills--all in the last 20 minutes.  Each was about 8 inches long (hereby recorded to ruin more robust tellings in future years...)  We returned them to the pond.  After wanting to go fishing for more than a year, I was very relieved that he wasn't disappointed by his first trip.

In other news, M is making progress on the potty front. She has had the opportunity to wear "big girl panties" and even has had three consecutive days of "going poopy on the potty." It's fun to see how big she smiles and how proud she is of herself when she has potty success. Her alter ego, Madison, also comes out to play (usually in times of mischief...). She announces her presence by saying, "I no M, I Madison." T is relieved that M has finally agreed in wearing her sleep cap at night (success, in part, after T found a satin HOT PINK pillowcase for M's pillow).

Lil E made Oma proud by eating foods, including mac 'n  cheese, croutons, croissants, and Nutella (carb girl, for sure!). Lil E loves sitting on our laps and having books read to her, while she turns the pages. She loves climbing up (and down) the stairs. Also to T's relief, Lil E now loves sleeping with the blanket T knitted and has no difficulty falling asleep in her crib (staying asleep, that's another story...). We'll take any victory in the sleep front, no matter how small!

Happy 3rd Birthday, Peanut!

M (aka Peanut) had birthday number 3 today.  T brought cup cakes to preschool for her class to celebrate.  For dinner, M ordered hot dogs and french fries; then changed her order to chicken nuggets.  So, we had both.  C celebrated by eating 6 (!) granola bars before dinner thus was unsurprisingly not hungry for dinner.  M took birthday calls from Oma and Opa and Aunt Julie and Cousins A and H.  M enjoyed talking w/ Oma and Opa so much that she kept chattering away on the phone even after they told her they were hanging up to get dinner...  And any time Lil E sees someone on the phone, she wants to use it too.  She especially likes to talk to Mommy while Mommy is leaving work. 

When we got home from school, C found a princesses gift bag on the dining room table and ran out to the car to tell M.  He then helped M open the card and the gifts.  M was very excited to find a Rapunzel doll, Rapunzel shoes, Rapunzel (see a trend?) and Ariel plates, and Ariel fork and spoon.  The card contained Dora stickers which were immediately affixed to anything nearby--including at least 3 in Daddy's hair. 

C and I went camping with his Cub Scout pack during the last weekend of April.  The weather wasn't as warm as predicted but it only rained at night.  And the Walmart tent we borrowed from Scouter Tim was up to the task.  C got to train with a Revolutionary War infantry unit.  They got to march, do manuvers, hold pretend guns (sticks).  On one charge, boys from another pack kept charging...across the road, across the field..finally the tree line stopped them.  The boys especially liked when the soldiers shot the cannon.  In the afternoon, they got to shoot BBs, shoot bow and arrow, roll hoops, sign the Meck Dec, and use a compass.  In the evening, the boys went on a long hike to help get fire wood (and carried it all the way back to camp!) and then made smores in the fire.  His pack has their end-of-the-year picnic on Saturday where C will receive his Tiger Cub badge.

In final news for the blog entry, M is fixated and insists on watching the movie Hairspray (the one w/ Zaf Efron) every time she rides in the van. She likes to tell Ms Lucy and Ms Ashly (her preschool teachers) all about the escapades of Tracy, Seaweed, and the mean girl and mean mommy. Tonight, before bed, she asked to hear "You Can't Stop the Beat" and danced "like a big girl."

Birthday hijinks with big brother

Sitting in the chair, all by herself, getting her hair done!

Big smiles from Lil E!

Goodbye Briarthorne Drive

Closing was today; or our part of closing was today.  The buyers' loan hasn't come through yet so they should sign the documents sometime next week.  We moved Tues after some intense packing during the previous two weekends.  Wed night and Thurs were cleaning.  As I was at the kitchen sink rinsing the cleaning rags on Thurs afternoon, the hawk swooped in and landed on a tree branch in the backyard.  He only appears every 6 months or so and I was only at the sink for a few minutes, so the timing was quite a coincidence.  You know that birds don't come to say goodbye (except in Disney movies when they can literally say "goodbye"), but it sure seemed that way...If he shows up at the new house to welcome us, that will really be spooky.

Most of our stuff is in storage, so finding the key stuff to unbox at John and Wendy's townhome hasn't been hard.  Unpacking a little each day.  C and M are adjusting to sleeping in the same room--on the same futon.  "She has her legs on me."  "He won't move his pillow."  "I want Mommy to stay."  "I want Daddy to stay."  At least they agree that jumping on Mommy and Daddy's matress is a temptation that is too difficult to resist (over and over) and appearently well worth losing privileges to do.

Ellie has started communicating yes and no by shaking her head--usually emphatically.  She understands quite a bit as you can tell her to do something--she particularly likes to deliver objects to C or M--and she does it with a big smile.  She has talking jags a couple of times a day where she'll jabber enthusiastically and if you talk back, will do a call and response with you for a while.  She won't eat much of anything at pre-school.  She won't eat baby food for them at all but usually doesn't eat Gerber toddler food or much adult food either.  She likes milk and that's about it.  She'll usually eat some baby food for me once we get home.  Sleeping is still a problem as she often wakes up several times a night and will have trouble falling back asleep at least one of those times.

My favorite Briarthorne memories: 
*proposing to Tracy on the couch in the living room (no, it's not really about tax-free school supplies !)
*C's first days at his new home:  marching around the downstairs circle with Opa tapping boxes on the floor; hammering nails on the back porch; playing in the leaves and helping me rake
*C greeting us at the laundry room door when we returned home with M
*M on the swing set
*M riding tricycle, big wheels and bikes like a natural
*All the neighborhood kids (Jordon, Jayna, Kayla, & Jamal, Will, CJ) playing outside in the street in the evenings and weekend afternoons
*winter snow storms, complete with snowmen
*the huge oak tree in the backyard; its magnificent demise onto the swing set on Good Friday evening 2011 (Brittany saying, "Wanted to let you know that everything's okay" when we called to check on the kids.)
*T waving a little stick at me in the bathroom, "Two lines means positive...You know what this means, don't you?"  Well, actually, no... But I was quite surprised and pleased to find out!

I bought the place about 6 months after T and I started dating, so it's been home during our adventures in creating a family.  Now our adventures take us elsewhere.  Onward and upward...